Believe:  a Letter to the lost
by Lexisrush
Summary: Max is listening to a song and gets inspired to write a letter to the 1 she lost.  Song fic to believe by all american rejects.  Death, so kinda sad.  You were warned.  My shortest fic to date.


**A/N hello readers. This is my second songfic and maybe second in a line of completely unnecessary songfics. I'll warn you now this might be sad and confusing so if you don't like funerals and death, don't read. Like any song fic I suggest you play the sing this is based on and keep that in mind, also realize this is my idea of how the song could be interpreted so if you don't agree, whatever write your own then. I don't own the song, or the characters, so stuff you. Please review on this fic.**

**Song: All-American Rejects' Believe**

_**Words of the song**_

_Words in the letter_

The story/Max's mind/POV

**Author's note**

_**I don't ever want to believe yeah**_

_**That when we die**_

_**We all leave**_

I'm standing next to the grave. The rain's pouring down all around us, kinda makes me think even God is sad about this day.

I wipe away a tear running down my chin and take a deep breath, I clutch the black rose closer to my body. I feel like a robot, _a crying, sad, pathetic robot whose heart's been torn out_.

Angel laces her fingers through mine, for a moment I forget how angry I was with her.

_I feel disconnected and empty now._

Nudge moves closer to me and puts her arm around me, I feel how her body's shaking with every painful sob. Gazzy and Iggy's on her other side trying to be brave, _I hardly notice them_.

After Jeb speaks some fitting words and says how he knew _him_ and what _he_ meant to everyone, everyone throws their roses into the hole and walk away sadly, each person in their own world of pity.

I remain clutching the black rose, a beautiful flower which reminds, _no reminded_, me so much about _him_, dark, beautiful and dangerous.

I stand there alone, motionless next to the grave in the beating rain. I let go of my umbrella and feel the cold rain against my neck, running down my back. I can't take it anymore, I fall down on my knees in the mud and begin to cry like I've never cried before.

I don't know how long I've been there but after that time I suddenly get the urge to write, I've never been into writing, that's always been _his_ thing_. I just really needed to write something now._

I went back to our temporary house and strait to the room I shared with Nudge and Angel, _they weren't in there_. I find a pen and paper and stick my iPod into my ears. A song by All-American Rejects starts playing, I smile when I realize it's the song that's been stuck in my head the entire day.

I absentmindedly start writing the lyrics down, thinking every word over and over again in my head.

I start writing a letter.

_Dear Fang_

_**Your innocence is not forgotten**_

_**I hope you know that where you are I wish you well**_

_**I hope you sleep in a perfect memory**_

_**You know it's hard I tried**_

_**I could never say goodbye**_

_I hope you're okay where you are, hell, its heaven right? Oh wait, I should probably not write hell then. _(I chuckle a bit and just know he's laughing at my stupidness) _You know I can't say goodbye right? So this isn't goodbye idiot. It's only been a day and already I know it's hard, it's gonna be hard without you but you'd better have fun coz I'm joining you when I finish up here._

_**I don't ever wanna believe**_

_**I don't ever wanna believe yeah**_

_**That when we die**_

_**We all leave**_

_**I don't ever wanna let go**_

_**I hope that you see yeah**_

_**That there's a part of you that's left inside of me**_

_I don't want to believe you're really gone, I mean common, you're Fang! You can't just be gone, I can still feel you, inside, like there's a part of you still left inside of me. Yeah it's weird and mushy and you're probably vomiting right now too._

_**Yesterday just took me hostage**_

_**Yesterday locked me away from any truth**_

_**And now tomorrow's here without you**_

_**I know it's hard I've tried**_

_**I could never say goodbye**_

For a moment I stop writing and think about yesterday. Fresh tears well up in my eyes. _It wasn't supposed to end like that. We were just trying to help those kids_.

We never thought that when we came across them that it would turn out like it did. He saved me.

We just came across a bunch of kids in the woods, we were on our way to Dr M's place and we found them. They looked hurt and tired and broken, their clothes were torn and they were different, _like us._

"Wait Max, I'll go and talk to them." Fang said with that half smile of his, sitting on the bed I can almost see that smile in my mind again.

He went over to the group of about 4 and he talked to them, I remember that when we saw them they had their wings out, so we left ours out too to keep them from running away.

Gazzy made some stupid joke I didn't pay attention too and I suddenly got a bad feeling. I smiled anyway, but when Angel suddenly ran forward towards the group yelling, _my heart sank_.

Fang's back was to us so we couldn't see what happened, but when he collapsed into a heap at the feet of the tall blond haired kid at the front, I knew something had gone terribly wrong. The blond boy looked up at us and I could see the blood dripping from the knife in his hand, it was a long jagged hunter's knife.

We all ran forward after Angel. The group laughed and started to flee, I ordered the Flock to get them while I fell down to my knees next to Fang's limp body.

Blood was coming out of his mouth and he was breathing hard, I was glad at least that he was still alive.

"Don't worry, you'll be okay." I said through the tears that already started to spill out of my eyes, it was one too many times that I've seen him almost die.

He tried a smile but instead he coughed. I lifted him up and cradled him in my arms, subconsciously already knowing that what I said was a lie, he knew it too.

His shirt was soaked with blood by the time the Flock came back to where we were.

They remained silent and stood around us in a circle. They probably knew this was it too. Fang's face was already pale from blood loss and his breathing grew shallow, we were in the middle of nowhere and the knife probably hit its mark, one of Fang's lungs or something important. He was slipping away in my arms. This wasn't like all the other times, he wasn't going to a hospital where I can give him blood, and an injection in the heart wasn't going to bring him back. This is it.

"I love you." He said before I saw the light leaving his eyes. I clutched him closer to me and cried into his chest.

The others tried to comfort me after that and my mom somehow arrived, later Angel told me Nudge called her on her cell phone.

I shut down after that and couldn't remember how I got to the save house after everything. I didn't talk or eat or did anything other than cry and stare out into space.

But it was already a new day, a day without him, a day without Fang.

I closed my eyes and just listened to the music.

_**I know it's hard I tried**_

_**I could never say goodbye**_

_I don't want to say bye Fang, I don't want to believe that you're gone._

_**I don't ever wanna believe**_

_**I don't ever wanna believe yeah**_

_**That when we die**_

_**We all leave**_

_**I don't ever wanna let go**_

_**I hope that you see yeah**_

_**That there's a part of you that's left inside of me**_

_**That there's a part of you that left inside**_

_Fang, you're all I ever wanted, all I ever had and I can't believe that I don't have you by my side anymore._

_**I try to push you away**_

_**But you never push back**_

_**You know I'll never forget you**_

_**I never thought I'd say that**_

_**You made a mess out of me**_

_I know I pushed you away in the beginning, I just wasn't ready, okay maybe I didn't think you felt the same way, I was scared Fang. I thought by pushing you away you'd push back, but you didn't, I thought you didn't care enough. I'll never forget you. You made a mess out of me that time with Lissa, I really thought you didn't care, and Bridget. Fang you don't know it but you hurt me, but when you finally kissed me, when you finally loved me. Fang that was what I wanted, that was all I needed and I'll always owe you for that one._

_**I don't ever wanna believe**_

_**I don't ever wanna believe yeah**_

_**That when we die**_

_**That we all leave**_

_Oh God Fang I know you never talk and stuff but at least send me a message or something from where you are? Randomly pull the blanket off of Gazzy in the middle of the night or something, like that movie. Shit Fang, you're being gone's just messing me up now._

_**I don't ever wanna believe**_

_**I don't ever wanna believe yeah**_

_**That when we die**_

_**That we all leave**_

_I know you're in heaven now, that is if God hasn't kicked you out yet. So enjoy it while you can, coz I'm returning that piece you left with me when I meet up with you, so you'd better keep your emo hands off of those angel girls up there._

_I love you Fang and you'll always be with me._

_**I don't ever wanna let go**_

_**I hope that you see yeah**_

_**That there's a part of you that's left inside of me**_

_**That there's a part of you that's left inside of me**_

_**That there's a part of you that's left inside of me**_

_**That there's a part of you that's left inside of me**_

_Love _

_your messed up Max_


End file.
